I have been carrying around a homesickness that is heavy and hard and hallow. It lives like a small bird in a cage, like a structure in my heart, and there are times when it is all I can do to hold on to it, contain it, keep it in situ.
I've taken the long and far road from my small home in the middle of the ocean. Sometimes I don't know if I will ever go back again, if I can, or if I will. But I've been dreaming of water, and iron woods, and muddy sandy children. I miss an entire section of the world so much sometimes I wonder if I will always live like this, walking around with a half-broken heart.
1 comments:
Once, again, I will make this comment all about me. I was in a similar position, once. My first practice (I'm on my 3rd). Work was a bleak, living hell and after 6 months, I was a sobbing pile of goo. We did go home, where I was blissfully happy for a few years and then I was miserable for a few years (as my practice ate my life). I've now found happiness about 2000 miles from home and don't miss much aside from the food, and even that is waning as the midwest starts to realize that there's more to cuisine than 7 layer salad and jello and pulled pork sandwiches and velveeta dips.
I am holding my breath that with the move to the lovely country and your new job and (of course) sharing life with Andy, (in short making your existance an actual life with fun! and beauty! and others who share your passions) that your homesickness will wane and you will find that where you are truly IS home and where you came from, while always holding a place in your heart, is a lovely place to visit.
If not, well, you can move. It's ok. Most don't stay with their first practice. So, see what it's like and, if after giving it your best, you find that you're still miserable, then chuck it in and go find happiness. Life is, as they say, too damned short to not be happy.
You deserve to be happy. Really, you do.
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