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There is so much. Yes, she's here. Yes, she's perfect. Yes, I'm exhausted.
Somehow, there is no time. I don't know why I am so surprised. There are about ten thousand things that I have written, invisibly, so far. All of them lost, for now, into the recesses of my brain.
I will say this - I am newly, strangely, unexpectedly lonely. This is startling; I am no longer the easy creature of solitude I used to be. I miss my mother. I miss my friends. I am tired and bored of New Hampshire. I find myself seeking paved roads and placing to buy things. This is unexpected, too. Hurried as I was to leave the city. To live in the country.
This is the country. I'm trying.
But there is too much, so much, to get out first. But not now. Some other time. Soon.
6 comments:
Many, many congratulations on her arrival. Sending you lots of warm thoughts from where I am to where you are, and looking forward to hearing more of your thoughts and observations about this whole experience.
Congratulations! I too look forward to hearing more of your thoughts and observations about all of the experiences you are having but mostly the extraneous details of the world around you...
I hear you about the lonely feeling... it is an odd sense after bringing a new being into this world.
congratulations, mama!
Congratulations! I am happy for all of you. Would you be willing to share her name? I'm sure whatever you chose is beautiful.
Thank you, thank you. I think my hormones need to stop careening through me like encierro before I can even begin to try to write again. Really. I've started a private little blog that maybe I'll let out sometime, to see if it's hospitable to light. When I do, I will let you know.
Her name is Leilani, which means Heavenly Flower in Hawaiian, but we just call her P.
Oh congratulations!! I am so relieved to see that you posted (sorry it took so long to get here) and that she is HERE. :) I too felt so lonely in the country after giving birth. I ached for everyone, for someone other than HER....and taking care of an infant, esp. a newborn can be so damn boring and tedious. I totally understand.
Please know we are here, that it will get better, that she will giggle & laugh & INTERACT w/ you soon enough, & your hormones will level out, & you will have time to shower & talk to friends & see friends & have a full meal....it WILL get better.
hugs to you. xoxo
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